“What are you, crazy? PLEASURE… as a way to slim down?!”

I hear that sometimes. And if someone is open, I tell them the truth.

Saying yes to doing what feels wonderful isn’t reckless. Designing your life around in your enjoyment isn’t crazy. Accepting all your desires as good, doable, and sacred isn’t misguided. 

In fact, it’s quite the opposite. What’s crazy is how women have been convinced that denying, restricting, discipline and punishing is the way to get what we want.

That’s why I’d like to bust out some science here. Science has proven that restricting, depriving, counting calories and being hyper-vigilant around food and eating put us into a stress state. It’s known as “fight or flight.”

And when that happens, your body makes more cortisol and releases more insulin.  And that insulin “tells” your body not to use fat as a source of energy. Instead, it says “hold onto that fat. We may need it later.”

So the more you stress your body out, the more you create a biochemical soup inside yourself that packs on the pounds. Which is why the traditional way most of us were taught to slim down is recklessly misguided.

But you know what puts an end your body’s stress state?

Enjoying yourself. Making love to every morsel of food that passes your lips. Gliding through your day like a woman who OWNS and genuinely caters to her smallest desires, hopes, inklings and curiosities.

A.K.A. Tending To Your Pleasure. 

Let’s be clear: I haven’t taught hundreds of women to tap into their pleasure simply because it’s more fun than getting on a treadmill (even though it is).

I show women how to tap into their pleasure because it gets them the results they are looking for–getting slim and fit, and feeling totally lit up by being a woman alive on the planet.

Here’s the falsehood: you must to punish, push, or restrict yourself in order to lose weight.

Here’s the outcome it gives you: A cycle that will never let you win. The more “up in your head” you get around eating, exercise and food… the more you monitor yourself… the harder it becomes for your body to slim down.

Here’s the solution: If stress makes your body hold onto weight, what’s the opposite? Relaxation, comfort, and being in deep connection with yourself.

It may sound crazy at first, but living your life in this way will actually help you slim down over time. And for good. I realize that stepping into living this way may feel like a distant goal. But it’s closer than you think–and it would be my honor to show you the way.

With love,

Jena

I’m going to ask you a really personal question: what is your deepest shame?

For years, mine was that I was bulimic. It began when I was 14 years old, a few years after my parents separated, and my life consisted of going back and forth between my Mum’s place and my Dad’s place.

At my Mum’s house, the fridge was almost empty–she would go to the supermarket every day or two, and buy just what we needed for the next few meals.

Meanwhile at my Dad’s house, the pantry was overflowing–there was always an abundance to eat, with food galore, including dessert.

My solution to this confusing contrast was to binge when I was at Dad’s house. And once I discovered (possibly through a magazine) that I could mask the effects of my pleasurable food binges by purging into the toilet bowl, I was off to the races.

Binging became my primary pleasure. And purging my way of pretending it never happened.

I was in such deep shame about this, that during the 5 whole years I struggled with bulimia, I never once confided in anyone! Not a soul!

I kept my painful secret all bottled up inside, and on the rare occasion if I was confronted by a friend or family member, I lied through my teeth, denying there was any issue.

But there was an issue. Privately I hated myself and despised my body. I felt that food was my enemy, and that my only solution was more discipline and self-control.

It took me 10 years of suffering to realize that I did need discipline, but not the kind I thought. 

I thought I needed the discipline to restrain my impulses, but what was really required, was the discipline to trust my impulses. What I needed was to lean in to my impulses. To have curiosity about them. To investigate the wisdom hidden inside them.

This flavor of discipline–that requires no restriction, but lots of loving attention–is now part of what I call the feminine strategies for weight loss, in which “weight” references the burdens you carry in your heart and mind, as much as the pounds on your body.

Once you start approaching your situation with the tools of the feminine approach in hand–kindness, forgiveness, gentleness, and curiosity to name a few–the burden of your shame will start to lose its grip.

And with shame no longer paralyzing you, your attention will be liberated to focus on what’s really going on with you. As you you do, there’s a high chance you’ll discover:

– Your feminine side is starving

– Your pleasure bucket is empty

– Your deepest desires are given little (if any) airtime on the stage of your life

Responding to these needs, my darling, is the most powerful step you can take towards lasting weight loss and a balanced, healthy, nourishing relationship with food.

If you’re struggling with food and your body right now, I welcome you to let go of all punishing approaches to slimming down, and in its place, to discover the how to feed your feminine side, fill your pleasure bucket and allow your deepest desires to be the bright stars that guide your path through life.

With love,

xo Jena

I hear it all the time, women saying to me, “Jena, your pleasurable weight loss idea sounds great, but I need to start with the basics. I’m not even sure I know how to have pleasure.”

“Apart from eating, my only pleasure is sitting in an armchair, wrapped in a blanket,” a bright, intelligent, creative woman in her late 30s recently told me, and my heart leapt out of my chest with compassionate alarm. She had came to me with her weight yo-yoing out of control after being on and off a 500-calorie-a-day-with-hormone-supplements diet for months. I could feel her pain.

It was crystal clear to me that she was living in an extreme pleasure deficiency, and that she would never be at peace with food until she expanded her ability to allow the simple, healthy, innocent pleasures of life into her awareness.

To my eyes, pleasure was knocking on her doorstep, waiting to be invited in. But she, paralyzed by her own emotional pain and trauma, sadly wasn’t able to open the door.

I mention this, because if you’re struggling with your weight, bad body image, or a painful relationship with food, you may be able to relate in your own way.

So let me ask you…

Have you researched what brings you delight?

Have you investigated what puts an irrepressible smile on your face?

Have you looked seriously into what makes your eyes sparkle?

Sadly most of us were not raised to assign much value to getting to know about own naturally-arising joy. We know a lot about many other kinds of trivia in life, but are semi-ignorant about what actually makes us feel good and whole.

We are conditioned to put our attention to “making it” by someone else’s standards in the “rat race.” To working hard to get a head. To paying attention to how to make “other” people happy.

We were raised with pleasure as an after-thought, a luxury, a once-in-a-while treat, and not as I invite you to see it, which is as a wise compass for existence, a necessity, nothing short of a biological requirement.

This is why we struggle as a culture en masse with weight. Because there’s a power struggle at play, a struggle in which your female body is both paradoxically winning and losing out at once, by making sure she gets her pleasure anyway–though food.

What you need to remember as you look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re overweight, is that restriction can only get you so far, because to your female body, pleasure and sensual delight are not a luxuries, they are a requirement of life.

On the other hand, your mind has a different take on things, and rationalizes pleasure a luxury, diminishing it the role of the guilty forbidden fruit, with little importance in life’s priorities.

Do you see how a conflict might arise here, darling?

If you’re struggling with weight and emotional eating, it’s safe to say that you are playing out this power struggle with food as your battle-field.

I want to remind you to not get too caught up with your weight being a “food issue.” Instead be aware of the over-arching frame–whether or not your female body is getting the sensual gratification, pleasure, and nourishment she organically needs.

You’ll be amazed how when you start to consistently prioritize:

– including healthy pleasure as a daily way of life

– feeling the needs of your female body and to responding them

– consciously experiencing your life through your sensations, not just your mind

– feeling embodied, feeling sensual, feeling free

… that your food issues drop away, and with it as an easy, pleasurable side-effect, your weight troubles drop away too.

That’s why pleasurable weight loss works.

When you whole-heartedly peruse your truest pleasure, that which honestly lights you up the most, your previous sources of compulsion–what I commonly refer to as “counterfeit” pleasures–such as overeating, lose their charm and fall away.

So here’s my call to action: I urge you to do it. I urge you to take the leap of faith that the evidence is sound that making pleasure more of a priority in your life really *is* the key to your weight loss and food struggle being sustainably a thing of the past, allowing you to live diet-free forever.

Since only *you* can be the judge of what actually gives you pleasure or not, pleasure requires knowing yourself.  Though at first glance it may sound superficial, on the contrary, pleasure connects you to the deepest parts of yourself, because to begin to trust in the wisdom of pleasure, means simultaneously more deeply trusting in the wisdom of you.

I welcome you to the adventure of the personal discovery of your pleasure.

With love,

Jena

When I was a compulsive over-eater, I became very good at hiding.

Hiding that I was eating, hiding that I was binging, hiding that I was in pain, and suffering on the inside.

I became an expert at putting on a mask of a happy face to the world, and saving my misery for my alone time, shared only with the comfort of food.

And if ever I was caught and confronted about my over-eating, I’d draw on another skill-set–lying. Oh yes, I’d put on the most angelic expression and lie through my teeth if necessary to avoid admitting the truth…

That I felt sad, unlovable, angry, and that I hated my body…

And importantly to hide that food, my refuge and solace, pre-occupied my mind almost 24 hours a day.

Years later, though I’ve healed my relationship with food, and my weight struggles are a thing of the past, I notice that my expertise in hiding still remains.

It’s easy for me to hide. Some part of me gets a kick out of it. I notice the impulse to hide even (or maybe especially) from the ones I trust the most–my husband and my closest friends. Sometimes I think I do things, just so I can experience the rush of I get from hiding them.

Maybe you can relate. If you’re struggling with compulsive eating, chances are you’re a pro at hiding too.

The problem with this is that you only hide what shames you. And when shame becomes chronic, it puts your body, or as I like to say, your female animal, into a low-level stress state, in which she thinks there’s a pressing danger at hand, a war to be waged, an impending attack to protect against.

Why this matters, if you’re trying to lose weight, is that when your female body thinks its survival is at risk, she doesn’t give a damn about your weight loss goals. On the contrary, in fight-or-flight mode, your body’s instinct is to bulk up as a form of protection, and to prevent slimming down.

In this mode your vision of life becomes narrowed. You become unaware of all the helpful options that lie within arms reach, waiting in your periphery. Options that could satisfying your endless hunger in a healthy way. Options that can give you the sensation of pleasure and satisfaction that food is being relied upon to provide.

The solution, for this downward spiral of hiding, (and then hiding that you’re hiding,) terrifying though it may sound, is a medicine called transparency.

Transparency interrupts the cycle of hiding, by instead *revealing* that which feels so dark and shameful that you hope it will remain a secret forever.

You may think that exposing your pain, your compulsions and your bad habits, isn’t going to help, but after more than 10 years of practical research, I’ve found nothing else that works better.

Shame is so painful, it is rarely spoken of. And in that silence it feeds upon itself. Shame breeds in the dark. However, as soon as you bring your shame out into the light, it starts to wither, and as it wanes, the habits that were keeping it alive start to fall away too.

So here’s my call to action for you. Come out of hiding. Speak out. Reveal what’s troubling you. I know it’s scary, but I promise you, in the long run, the hiding game has much more terrifying consequences.

And if you’re looking for a safe port to bring your shame, your secrets, your private pain and self-loathing, as the first step towards the body of your dreams, I am here for you, along with the rest of the Pleasurable Weight Loss community.

What have you been hiding that you are ready to reveal?

Leave me a comment below and let me know.

With love and support,

xo Jena

Jon Gabriel:  Can you tell us about the pivotal moment that resulted in you finally being able to hear the inner voice of your body?

Jena:    From the age of 14 when I started bingeing, I was in inner turmoil with food. It was my best friend and my worst enemy. I thought it would be a life sentence. Just as some people have a heroin addiction for life, and others have a gambling addiction, I thought my compulsion with food would be mine.

Time went on, and I knew I needed to get to the bottom of it because it was causing me so much suffering. I tried everything. One day I was at a movement class, and I was complaining as usual about my body, about eating too much, and about not knowing what to eat, when my teacher said to me, “Jena, that’s because you haven’t been listening to her.”

“Who?” I said not understanding what he was talking about.

“Her, your body, your animal,” he responded. “Jena, there’s two of you. There’s your mind, and there’s your body. And your body is an animal.  And all animals in nature know what to eat. You wouldn’t think of a monkey in the jungle that was confused about what to eat. It’s their natural instinct to know. All animals in the wild know what to eat, and your body knows too… if only you would listen to her. If you only you would respect her.”

He said, “What you need to start working on is your relationship with her. Because you haven’t been listening, she stopped talking.  But once you start listening you are going to hear loud and clear that she does know what to eat, and your confusion will be over.”

Jon, when he would say, “she, your body,” it was as if these little ears perked up and said, “Yes! Thank you! You said my name! Finally, somebody recognizes me!”

I was magnetized to come back to this teacher again and again, and I would say, “tell me about her.” At the beginning it was only when I was with him, and he recognized her, that I could recognize her too.  But eventually I got the transmission, and was able to experience the living, breathing, decision-making, intelligent, wise part of me, the animal part, that does know how and what to eat. I started to learn to listen to her, and that has lead me to where I am now, ten years later, being a an expert in pleasurable weight loss.

Jon Gabriel:  Once you started listening and tuning into your body, what changes started to happen in your diet and lifestyle?

Jena:    For starters, I began intentionally using the personal pronoun, “she,” for my body. I recommend everyone reading try this. It’s correct in English is to say, “I have a body.  It is such and such.” But I invite you to play with the English language, and if you are man, adopt the frame of reference; there’s me and there’s him, my male body.  If you are a woman; there’s me and there’s her, my female body.

Jon Gabriel:    Language can be very powerful, and that type of repositioning makes a lot of sense to me, because then you are giving your body a consciousness, an identity, a life of its own.  It’s not just a machine. It’s a living, breathing, conscious being that is working with you.  I just did it to myself as I am talking with you, and the second I did that I felt a distinction. I felt the life in there, and the consciousness in there. I felt that communication. That’s incredibly powerful and makes a lot of sense to me.

Jena:    What happens, Jon, is that it shifts your understanding away from your body being a possession, something you own, like a computer or a phone, that’s replaceable, to being someone who is alive.

Jon Gabriel:    With a computer, you need more computer chips you get more computer chips, or when you need to fix the hard drive you fix the hard drive.  It takes the life out of it.  I think that’s what we do, in so many different ways. We take dead food, and we take pills, and we live in closed, indoor environments. We take the life out of our life, out of our living, breathing, conscious body.  I feel, as I am talking to you, that you giving life back to your body.

Jena:    Absolutely. The reality is, you don’t own your body. If anything, your body owns you, because your body is your one access to life itself. Without her, without him, you’d be dead.

Jon Gabriel:    I will take it a little further.  Eckhart Tolle says, “The only part of you that is ever always in the present moment is your body.”  Your body is your most present part of you and the rest of us, we are here, we are in the past, we are in the future, we are making up stories. We are worried about this or that. Our bodies are present in the here and now.

So, Jena, you started listening to her, tuning in. And as you called your body a her, her ears perked up, and so you developed this communication with her. Is that right?

Jena:    Yes. I realized I don’t own her. I realized it’s a privilege to spend my life with her, and I don’t want to have an abusive relationship with her. I don’t want to have a neglectful relationship with her. I want to have a respectful, loving, kind relationship with her.

And so I started listening. And to my shock and surprise, when I said, “Okay body, what do you want?  What do you want to eat?” and I really listened, she said, “I would like some salmon, vegetables and brown rice.”  And I was like, “Really? No kidding!”  I was sure the answer was going to be cookies, sugar, chocolate.  But it turned out that wasn’t what she wanted.

I came upon a new awareness about the deeper desires of my body. I realized if I neglected my body’s desires altogether, then she would take whatever she could get. But if I listened more deeply, what she actually wanted were wholesome things.  A goodnight’s sleep.  Yoga. Companionship. And the more I listened, the more these healthy choices became a gift I wanted to give her out of love. This was a shift from feeling like my body was failing me and owed me something better.  My anger and resent melted away, and suddenly I had compassion for this loving creature I’d been so cruel to.

Jon Gabriel:    Whereas before it was an object that you were pushing and pulling around, like a piece of luggage, now all of a sudden, you had a relationship.

Jena:    Exactly.

Jon Gabriel:    I totally get it. I talk in my book about the turning point it was for me when I started listening to my body, and how my body started talking to me.  I didn’t use that specific language structure of repositioning that you did, but I am using it as we speak, and in my head I am creating a whole new connection with my body. It’s really powerful.

So let’s talk about this Pleasurable Weight Loss. What does that mean?  What are some of the key components?

Jena:    It starts with the foundation that your body is an animal.  I like this metaphor, because think of a dog. Dogs love their owners and are so willing to please and serve, and the same goes for your body.

Jon Gabriel:    That’s a really good metaphor.

Jena:    Even if you’ve been resentful and have criticized your body all of your life, he or she is so willing to forgive you. It’s like, “oh, you were mean to me, but it’s okay. I know you love me.” Your body wants to be in sync with you.

Jon Gabriel:    That’s very powerful. A dog is endlessly loyal, and I think our bodies are like that too. Think about how distanced we are from what our bodies really need, in terms of being indoors all the time, not getting any natural light, eating dead foods, and taking drugs, pills and medications. Think how we abuse our bodies and how they keep functioning somehow. There are so many toxins in our bodies. When we really understand how many toxins were are, or the real problems with digesting modern foods, you wonder how on earth are we surviving? I think the reason we are, is just like you say, we have these bodies that are endlessly loyal. No matter what we do, they keep functioning.

Jena:    Yes, they do their best. And they give us warning signs–that’s what weight gain is. Weight is your body’s cry for attention, a cry for help.  If you’re overweight you can guarantee your body tried to let you know in subtler ways that it wasn’t getting its needs met, and eventually it resorted to weight gain. It’s like, “Hey, the way you are eating and living is not working for me. You didn’t notice the bloating. You didn’t notice the constipation. You didn’t notice the rash.  Alright, here, try 20 pounds,” or try 200 pounds in your case. “Are you going to notice me now? Hello!”

Jon Gabriel:    Sometimes it takes 200 pounds for some of us, yeah. For me in any case, it took that.  So okay, you start by seeing your body as an animal, as a loyal, faithful animal, and then where do you go from there?

Jena:    That animal wants to serve your mind and your mind’s many desires–reading books, being on the internet, talking, etc, but also has desires of its own. What does your body love and need?  Some pretty basic things; sleep, good food, water, self-care, only a few fundamentals. But one thing that links all of those things that the body needs is pleasure.  All organisms, from humans right down to the single cell amoeba, have the instinct to move towards pleasure and away from pain.

In the case of an amoeba, it bumps into something painful and registers that as danger.  Existence is at threat. Get away. There’s a repulsive energy to get away in any direction as fast as possible.  When that same amoeba bumps into something pleasurable it goes, “Oh, safety, promise of life. I am going to go in this direction,” and it oozes very assertively into pleasure.

So using that compass–away from pain, towards pleasure–we have evolved throughout time, from the amoeba to the human beings we are today, still animals, but now with a developed mind.  And this is where the conflict comes in Jon; the mind has been conditioned and cultured to have all kinds of moralistic attitudes towards pleasure.  “Pleasure is frivolous.  Pleasure is sinful. Pleasure is selfish. You can only have pleasure if you earn it.” There’s all of this bad PR for pleasure, to which your body responds, “Are you sure?  That’s been my compass throughout evolution! I think you are wrong.”

Being the loyal servant, your body will go along with the rejection of pleasure in the short-term, but because it’s such a deeply engrained need and impulse, it can’t be pushed underground for too long. If your mind neglects pleasure all day, at a certain point your body goes, “Alright, she’s tired now. Let’s dive for the cookies. She doesn’t have the energy to hold me back.”

Jon Gabriel:    What about people who see cookies, ice cream, alcohol, etc, as pleasure, but clearly that’s not good for the body, and that is not what the body really wants.  So where is that coming from?

Jena:    If you deprive someone of what they need, they will be in a scarcity state where they will grab for whatever they can get without discrimination.  So when your body goes compulsively for the cookies, the alcohol, the junk, it’s coming from a place of extreme pleasure deficiency.  Imagine you are sitting at home at night and the cravings come on. Now let’s imagine someone was offering to rub your feet in that moment.  What would you choose?  The foot rub or the cookies?  The foot rub.  Or if someone you adore is nibbling sensually on your ear, would you choose to binge? No. We would all choose the higher pleasure if we have the choice, but if that’s all that’s on offer, then the body will take what it can get.

Jon Gabriel:    That makes sense. So on a practical basis, what are some of the steps people can take towards creating that pleasure for themselves?

Jena:    To begin, let’s define what I call “true pleasure” from “counterfeit pleasure” or “pseudo pleasure.”  Jon, true pleasure answers yes to the question; does this give me pleasure now? In an hour? In a day? In a week? In a month? In a year? And if it, yes, yes, yes all the way, then that’s true pleasure.”

Let’s say you and I were sitting out in the park right now and having a nice piece of high quality chocolate cake. We were present. We were breathing. We were just sharing the experience together. That would be true pleasure. An example of counterfeit pleasure is the bottle of wine that feels great right now, but gives you a hangover the next day, or the dessert that you gulp down and feel guilty about that gives you a headache in an hour.”

Jon Gabriel:    Right. I look at it the same way. I look at it in terms of anything that feels good, and gives you energy now and in the future, is something that is good for you. Anything that feels good now but lowers your energy in the future is an addiction. If it’s going to make you sick or lower your energy, then it’s an addiction.

So you learn how to differentiate the two, and when you are having an urge or an impulse, you ask that question, is that the idea?

Jena:    You ask that question, and then you try to reach for the highest pleasure possible in the moment.  And better yet, act preventatively by including nourishing pleasure in your life, so you don’t end up in a desperate situation.

Jon Gabriel:     Sounds great.

Jena:     Jon, I’d like to share with you what I call the 4 Pleasurable Eating Practices. The first one is to remember when you are sitting down to eat; I am eating with my animal.  I am eating with her.  Imagine you are eating dinner with your sweetie, and there she is at the table and you are not even making eye contact with her. You’re ignoring her, almost like she’s not there. You wouldn’t do that. You are a gentleman.

Jon Gabriel:    This is really good. I love it. I get you.

Jena:    That is the way I want you to be present with your animal. He is there with you, she is there with you. It’s the two of you together having this meal, so have some manners about it.  Check in with your body. “Okay body, are you comfortable?”  Often we sit on the chair all crooked, without good posture. That is not comfortable for her.  Help her to get comfortable.

Jon Gabriel:    If you look at a dog who’s been beaten and neglected, it’s going to be angry, miserable and have low energy. It’s going to do the least amount of things that it can do to get by. It’s going to be in a constant state of stress where it just wants to avoid pain, and it doesn’t want to think about anything else.
Compare that with an animal that you’re petting, cuddling, treating nice, taking for walks, and playing with. If you’re taking care of its needs, it will want to give you pleasure and joy. It’s the exact same relationship. I can see that really clearly because I have been on both sides of the tracks. I know what it’s like to have a body that is exhausted and doing the bare minimum, just trying to get by, and feeling totally neglected and abused.

And then the other side of this is having a body that is full of energy and life. I think you really nailed it on this one. It’s about the relationship. The way to make this change happen is to be conscious of the relationship and to rekindle it. I love it.

Jena:   Yes, a little bit of compassion goes a long way.

Step 1 of the Pleasurable Eating Practices is to acknowledge that you are there with your animal, that you are eating together.  It’s about really asking, what does he want to eat?  You may be surprised that it’s not what your mind wants.

Step 2 is to relax, by breathing deeply. Take three, five or ten deep breaths. By deep I mean breaths that go right down to the bottom of your belly, that deeply relax you, as opposed to upper chest breathing, which will keep you in stress.

This does a couple of really important things. Firstly it oxygenates your system. If you want to light a fire, you need wood, you need matches, and you need oxygen. There’s no fire without oxygen. The same goes for your digestive fire, that stimulates fat-burning when it’s “burning” efficiently.

If it burns poorly, like a sooty clogged up fireplace, it’s going to cause fat-storage, or at least prevent you from losing weight.  In the case of your body, the food is the wood. Your stomach itself is the matches, and the oxygen comes from your breath. If you don’t breathe deeply while you are eating, you are preventing your body from obtaining its optimum fat-burning capability.

Breath is a crucial ingredient. Also what breathing does is relaxes you. Now Jon, what most people do is they eat to get relaxed. They start out stressed, especially if they are trying to lose weight, “Oh no, food! I might eat the wrong thing. I might eat too much! I wish I didn’t have to eat at all!”

Eventually as they eat and eat and eat,  by necessity the body makes them relax, because it’s when we are relaxed that we are able to digest. What I am asking is that you make an effort to relax first, and then your digestion will be optimized from the beginning. The metaphor, back to relationship, would be let’s say you are going to make love. You can have sex while you are stressed out, and eventually have an orgasm and be relaxed. But what if prior to your sexual encounter you did some meditation, or some yoga, or had a massage, and then made love? The sex would be on a whole other plane. And that’s comparable to the magic that’s happening digestively when you take the time to breathe and relax before you eat, and then intermittently you put the fork down, take some more breaths, and continue to focus on relaxing. This makes eating a sensuous, pleasurable experience.

Jon Gabriel:    That’s a very powerful experience because most of the time when we are eating we are totally unconscious and we are just shoveling food down, especially when our bodies are in deprivation mode. By the time we know it, our stomach is totally stuffed, and that’s the end of it, and you feel sick.  If we get conscious first, that totally changes the eating experience because then you’re eating slower, you’re eating with awareness, you’re making good choices, you’re nourishing your body rather than just stuffing your stomach.  So I’ve got to say, on that one you nailed it too.  I agree with that very much. That makes a lot of sense.

Jena:    Continuing with the sex metaphor, step three is to seek pleasure in every bite.  Jon, this is where we have really been short changed culturally. Because we haven’t been given the proper education about pleasure, people confuse pleasure and addiction. We are scared of pleasure, and have been robbed of a true understanding of pleasure..

There’s a Geneen Roth quote that says, “It’s when pleasure ends that overeating begins.” We think we’re getting pleasure by overeating, but really, as soon as we overeat, even by a bite, we start having symptoms–your stomach may start to hurt, you may get a headache, your energy starts to go down. The pleasure, the satisfaction, the good feeling is diminished.

When you eat for pleasure, what that means is you’ve got to be present. You can’t have pleasure if you are checked out.

Jon, imagine we are in the same room and I have something on my mind. I want to pour my heart out to you, but you are not present. You are looking out the window, you are checking your text messages, or doing a Facebook update. I would walk away feeling, “I didn’t get what I needed. I need to speak to another friend.”

Jon Gabriel:   Yes.  I’m reminded of a movie I just saw, called A Question for Ben, about this young, high-powered executive living by all standards a great life, but he’s feeling very unsatisfied. He’s trying to communicate his feelings of dissatisfaction, but nobody he talks to can be present to his conversation.  He tries to talk to his Dad and it’s as if he’s speaking an another language. He talks to his best friend and his best friend falls asleep right there. All through the movie, all he wants is to have someone be present with his feelings. He has no support system for that, because his whole life, all he has done is just run around with people, but never really be present with them.

Jena:  That’s a great story, and it’s the same thing with your body. Your body, if you are not smelling the food, feeling the food, tasting the food, seeing the food, even if you eat massive quantities of food, your body will say, “I didn’t see anything, didn’t smell anything, didn’t feel anything. I must not have eaten enough. I am still hungry.”

Jon, this is the amazing part, in this situation, your body actually generates more hormones for appetite, to make you hungry, so you’ll eat more, and again have the chance to have the pleasure. And if you again check out it will say, “Oh, I still must not have eaten enough lot. I better eat more.” This is how people can eat and eat and still feel hungry.

On the other hand, if you show up and are present, and taste it, savor it, and slow down with your food to enjoy it, then another biochemistry kicks. This is where cholecystokinin, (CCK) comes into play. It stimulates digestion, pleasure and satiety. This is when your body says, “That’s enough. I’m full. I’m done. Thank you.”

Jon Gabriel:    I am going back to your love making analogy because it’s a really good one. People are also very unfulfilled there too, because the typical lovemaking session is between two people who are not present. It’s like a race to the finish line, to try to get to a goal, and then you’re left feeling like; well what happened?

And then you go off and do whatever, and you’re feeling like you’re wanting more of something because what you really wanted was some presence. You wanted presence, attention, cuddles, interaction, connection. That is really what you want; I think our bodies want that too. If you have a relationship with your body where it’s desiring a connection with you, food is just the most natural thing because food is a form of connection. I mean you are taking something outside of you and you are bringing it inside your body. It’s becoming you. To me is connection in its most literal sense.

Food, in a lot of ways, is about connection. It makes sense, if your body is feeling like it wants to connect with you, it wants to have a relationship with you, it will keep trying through food, because at least even if it’s unconscious and unsatisfying, there’s some interaction there.

So learn how to connect with yourself in the same way as if you were in a relationship. And learn how to connect with your partner, so you can walk away feeling satisfied instead of looking for something else.

Jena:    You’ve got it.

Jon Gabriel:    I’m learning as you are saying this, but it’s all resonating with me.

Jena:  Step 4 is called “eating to the point of energy.” In Pleasurable Weight Loss we see the value of having a grasp on numbers and measuring, but the trap with dieting is that you delegate your intuition, your feeling sense, and your feeling intelligence to hitting a number.  Numbers are not the language of the body. They are not the language of your feeling, breathing, wise animal–sensation is. Your body feels what is right for it.

Back to eating to the point of energy, when you start eating, you will have low energy, and that is natural. That’s the signal it’s time to put some fuel in the tank. You are hungry with a good reason, you need to eat. As you start eating, you’ll notice your energy goes up and up and up, and when you have eaten one bite too many, it will start to go down. That’s the time to put down the fork and stop eating, when you have the most energy.

Jon, I used to eat myself all the way into a food coma every single time, and I would complain, “Food makes me so tired.”  That’s because I was checked out, and I was eating way too much.  What’s required is being present with every bite.

Jon Gabriel:    What I’m hearing is that being present with your body is the common denominator in all of these steps. Do you have other things that you do in terms of developing and cultivating this relationship with your body that are not necessarily centered around food or eating patterns?

Jena:    Yes, developing the muscle of knowing and investigating your desires. I grew up terrified of my desires, Jon.  As a teenager we become sexual creatures but no, no, that is not what good girls do. We are taught that desire is dangerous, and to push our desires underground as much as possible.

Overtime the habit of denying our desires becomes pervasive, and then we also push our true desire for healthy food down too.  Until we honor and investigate our true desires, we are going to be racked with compulsions.

How I overcame this was by making a concerted practice of asking the question, “What do you really want? What do you desire?”

I define desire as being deeper than our small wants. There might be a part of you that says, “I want to lose weight and be healthy, but also want to eat that cookie.” They feel in contradiction. When you truly investigate it, which one is stronger?  Which one is deeper? Which one is more powerful?  It’s the desire to be healthy, to be free, and to love your body. It will be the stronger one that will end up having the greatest pull.

But if you don’t take the time to go deeply in and feel and investigate, the “I want the cookie” one may be louder and may seem like it’s the bigger one. There’s a certain depth that comes over time from practicing this. You can write a desire list of everything you want.  There are many things that you want. The things that we are most told we shouldn’t want are the sensual things. Sensuality, however, is completely natural to the body. It just means experiencing your senses. It’s as innocent as could be, even thought today people have shame about it.  Why do you think people often fear sensuality?

Jon Gabriel:    There are a lot of layers to it. First is a feeling of guilt. It has been driven into us that it’s wrong.  There’s also an inhibition about allowing yourself to feel good. It’s this feeling of, are you worthy? Some people don’t want to allow themselves the feeling of deservingness and worthiness, because they have so many judgments about themselves. They don’t like themselves. They don’t feel worthy enough to give themselves something that is pleasurable. So there are many different layers to that inhibition.

Jena:    And that’s why thinking of your body as an animal, as an “other” is really useful, because you can say to the mind, “Okay mind, maybe you think you don’t deserve it, but this creature is giving you life every single day and she deserves it.”

Jon Gabriel:    You never say, “My dog doesn’t deserve to go to the park.”

Jena:    Exactly.  Or “My daughter doesn’t deserve to have a good night’s sleep. She’s got to work.” That’s the beauty of this model of the body as an “other.”

Jon Gabriel:   It’s so powerful. I feel like in this conversation I have gained a richness in my understanding of the body. I’m getting a lot out of this.
Could you give us one thing that we can do to start experiencing pleasurable weight loss and this connection?

Jena:    This one is counter-intuitive, but I’ve noticed over the years that, why do we want to lose weight?  Again and again it comes, up whether you’re a man or a woman, you want to be sexy. Of course you do, that’s natural. The idea is, “Alright, I’m going to lose weight and then I am going to be sexy,” but what happens is you lose the weight; you’re looking sexy, and suddenly all this attention is coming towards you. It can be overwhelming. It can be frightening, especially if you’ve had sexual inappropriate experiences, sexual assault, molestation, you name it, it’s rampant.

Jon Gabriel:    It’s a huge issue when it comes to weight loss, a huge issue.

Jena:    If you have experienced that as a child or a young adult, you may have found, “Oh, if I gain some weight, I’ll deflect that danger. I’m not going to get as much attention. I’m not going to get as much heat.”  Even if your conscious mind is not involved, it’s your animal’s way of protecting herself.

Jon Gabriel:   Absolutely. There’s no question. I call it emotional obesity which is the need to be fat in order to feel safe. Weight becomes a safety mechanism.  It protects us from the outside world.  I was talking to a doctor in Los Angeles a couple of days ago who specializes in childhood obesity and she says that 70% of all abuse victims are obese. Yeah, 70%.

Jena:    And that was also my story, Jon, in my teens I was sexually assaulted and I definitely noticed, okay, this weight is protecting me. Pleasurable Weight Loss teaches that until sexy is safe, you will never lose weight. You have to feel safe being sexy first.

Jon Gabriel:    So how do you get to that point?

Jena:    There are two important concepts for starting to make sexy safe. The first one is erotic innocence. Erotic innocence is your body’s instinct toward the sensual, the sexual and the erotic, that existed before your mind came on line to judge it as right or wrong. Prior to all labels, that impulse is purely innocent. There’s an erotic innocence that’s been in all of us since we were born. We all have a natural curiosity towards feeling good.

Even if we’ve been wounded in past, we can still get in touch with that part of ourselves that is innocent, that loves to feel sensual, that loves to feel sexual and we can give that stage time in our life. We can give it the microphone. If you give someone a microphone it’s because you want to hear them and amplify their voice.

Now the paradigm that people get into, like you are saying, “Oh, I am overweight. I don’t deserve to be sexy. I am overweight, I am not sexy. When I lose weight, I will be.”  What they are overlooking is that their sexual energy is already there. Unless you start to get safe with it now, and realize this energy is safe, sacred, and a contribution, if you walk into a party, no matter what size you are, you’ll never feel sexy.

It’s essential to embrace that sexual energy is life energy. It’s creative energy. It’s as innocent as the birds and the bees, literally, it’s life itself buzzing around feeling good.

Jon Gabriel:    You experience when people get in touch with this erotic innocence that it helps them feel that sexy is safe, is that correct?

Jena:    Yes. And once you are in touch with your erotic innocence, you are going to get attention. And when the attention comes your way, you need two things in hand. Firstly, you need to realize that attention creates sensation.

For example if I was alone in my room I would feel a certain way. Now let’s say you walked in the door and looked at me. I would feel something. I would feel a certain sensation just by the fact that your attention is on me, and vice versa. Often that sensation gets associated with fear and trauma although it’s actually just sensation. When you can start to break it down, and notice, “I felt a tingle in my nose. I felt a stirring in my belly. I felt a tightness in my shoulder.” It takes away the power from “Oh, this is a bad thing that is going to hurt me,” to “no, that was just a sensation.”

Jon Gabriel:    I think that’s very powerful, it’s revolutionary.

Jena:    Thank you. One last thing that erotic innocence requires is your power to say no. One of the reasons we gain the weight is it’s a passive way of saying “No, don’t even come near me,” so it’s crucial to learn other ways of healthy boundaries.

Jon Gabriel:    You are absolutely right.

Jena:    So now, you’re sexy, now you’re welcoming attention, you need to always have that “no” in your pocket when you need it.  Particularly as women, there’s this feeling, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings by saying no. I don’t want to reject them. I don’t want to be the source of pain. I would rather just never get the attention in the first place, so I don’t have to go through the process of saying no.”

Jon Gabriel:    There are lots of reasons why we don’t say no as a man or a woman.  We don’t say no because we don’t want to hurt somebody. We don’t want to say no because we are afraid that someone won’t like us, someone won’t love us. There are so many reasons – we will lose a job, we won’t be popular, there are just so many reasons why we don’t want to say no. Learning how to comfortably say no in relationships you care about–work relationships or personal relationships, relationships where you are afraid that you are going to lose something–is essential for weight loss. It gives you healthy boundaries, and if you don’t have healthy boundaries, your body is going to use weight as a form of boundaries. Yes, learning how to say no is crucial.

Jena:    I teach what I call the “intimate decline.” It comes from the martial art, Aikido. What‘s intimate about it is it has got a “yes” in there as well. The intimate decline says yes to your humanity, yes to your desire, yes to you, but no to this.  It says yes to you as a human, and no, this is not what I want. It’s a powerful way of being able to be in your full glory, out in the world, knowing that you are safe to say no at anytime.

Jon Gabriel:    Well, I’ve got to say Jena; I think that you have got a lot to teach us.

Jena:  Thank you, Jon. I describe what I do as the Pleasurable Weight Loss movement because it’s going to take all of us to change these deeply entrenched ideas that your body is an object that you can own and have the right to abuse. It’s going to take all of us to resurface a reverence for the body, which I do believe has been there in the past, where you see your body as a living creature that is naturally inclined to pleasure, with an intelligence about that pleasure that is not to be confused with compulsion or addiction.

It’s about the perfect amount of pleasure that keeps you in your sweet spot, energized, able to contribute to the planet, not in shame, not in guilt, aware and awake.

My request to everyone reading this, is now that you’ve been exposed to the teachings on pleasure, the next time you see someone who is neglecting pleasure, who is turning away from pleasure, who is denying their body, give them a little nudge, and remind them of these teachings. Let them know that there’s another way. Let them know that following the compass of pleasure is trustable and intelligent.

Let them know that their body really does love them, and is like a  loyal dog that wants to serve them. See if you can get them into another perspective. In doing so it will anchor it all the more into you, and make you feel more powerful the next time you are faced with the possibility of turning away from or embracing your body and pleasure.

Jon Gabriel:   I agree, this is a movement. It’s a movement because it’s a paradigm shift. It’s totally radical and revolutionary from anything else that is being done. It’s revolutionary stuff. Keep up the great work.

In 2001 Jon Gabriel weighed 409 lbs. He’d tried almost every popular diet available without success. Not only did he fail to lose weight—he was steadily gaining. Overweight, overworked and unhappy, Jon was ready to give up.

Then on September 11^th 2001, Jon received a wake-up call. He was scheduled to fly from Newark to San Francisco that day, and it was only by chance that he was not on the United Airlines Flight 93 that was hijacked by terrorists and crashed in Pennsylvania with no survivors.

Jon realised that life was a precious opportunity not to be wasted. He realised that his weight would eventually kill him and decided to do something about it. Over the next two and a half years, Jon lost over 200 lbs without dieting, pills or surgery. He also stopped feeling stressed and overworked and started living the life of his dreams. 

http://www.thegabrielmethod.com/

The “masculine strategies” as I call them, are the approaches to weight loss we constantly hear about in the mainstream media. No need for me to repeat the D*** word for you to know what I’m talking about. My guess is, popular though these strategies may be, they haven’t given you the sustainable results you’re looking for, and you’re still searching for what will.

That’s why I’m here to serve you up a different flavor of how things can be done–what I refer to as the “feminine strategies” for weight loss.

The core difference is this:

The masculine strategy perceives weight loss as being done to the body.

The feminine strategy perceives weight loss as being done with the body.

I spent 10 years focused on the masculine strategies, trying to control and manipulate my body into being the shape I wanted it to be. At the time I regarded my body as an out-of-control beast, full of cravings and compulsions, one that was definitely not to be trusted when it came to food. Weight loss required enforcing discipline upon my wayward body … or so I thought at the time.

Now I’m a messenger for the feminine approach that tackles this same problem from a completely different angle. Instead of your body being the problem that needs to be fixed, the emphasis is on your relationship with your body being the focus for change.

I realized that my body is not a broken-down, imperfect possession I have ownership of, but rather a living, breathing, feeling, decision-making creature, who like all animals in nature, already instinctively knows what to eat to be in shape–if only I would pay attention and listen.

Understanding that learning to truly respect and listen to my body’s wisdom was the key to finally freeing myself from the prison of my struggle with weight, my focus moved from “changing my body” to “changing my relationship with my body.”

Changing Your Relationship with Your Body

So how would you describe your relationship with your body? Is it kind? Is it cruel? Is it neglectful? Or is it darn right abusive? The good news is, if it’s not how you want it to be, it doesn’t have to stay that way, it’s completely in your hands to reinvent it anew.

From a feminine perspective, everything in life is about relationship, and weight loss is no exception. The only lasting pathway to the body of your dreams, is consciously crafting a delicious, respectful relationship with your body–and not vice versa as the magazines may lead us to believe.

It takes two to have a relationship, so for the purposes of pleasurable weight loss, as strange as it may sound, I’d like you to imagine that there are two of you: your mind, and your body. When the quality of the relationship between them improves, you’ll experience see the shedding of excess weight, a sign that an inner war is coming to an end.

Don’t Say “It,” Say “She”

To help you make this mindset shift, play with the English language a little bit, and instead of describing your body with the word “it,” start referring to your body as “she.” This may sound trivial, but using language that makes you think about your body as someone “other” than you, is an extremely powerful tool, because it heightens the realization that there’s a relationship at play.

Start playing with the idea that there’s two of you–“you,” your mind, and “her,” your body. You’re in a dance together in life, and once you learn to fully flow on the dance floor of life, sustainable weight loss will be a natural side-effect, because there’s no need to binge or overeat or be sedentary or depressed, when you’re dancing through life like Fred and Ginger.

Now that you’ve wrapped your head around this idea that there’s two of you, I have two relationships metaphors I’d like you to mentally try on for size, as you explore the mindset of cultivating a loving, conscious relationship between your body and mind.

1. Mother and Child

Imagine your mind is the mother, and your body is the child.

You, the mother, are in the most intimate bond with this vulnerable creature. Her life is entirely dependent on your care, and with good reason, because your love for her is unconditional, unquestionable, and eternal, nothing short of true devotion.

Your role as the mother is to guide, love and listen to your wide-eyed, innocent baby girl. Be open to her primal feedback of your child, regarding what she wants to eat, and how she wants to exercise, in order to feel her best.

Show how you value her by listening to her wordless messages, and nurturing her needs.  Be on the look out for how your child is clever and possesses wisdom beyond her years. Praise her for it at every opportunity. Remind her that she is always and forever unconditionally loved.

2. Lovers For Life

Imagine your mind is a husband, and your body a wife, in a lifetime committed union.

In a healthy, loving marriage, neither person is considered superior or more important than the other. They respect each other’s differences, and value each other’s needs and desires are equally.

And while it’s easy to keep a short-term love affair hot and interesting, how to keep a long-term marriage from which death is the only exit juicy and alive is another question.

The answer, I hope you won’t be surprised to hear, requires pleasure. To keep any adult love relationship ignited, pleasure must be involved. Your mission as the husband in this duo, is to seduce your wife into enjoying herself. Arouse her delight by igniting her senses, not just through food, but through all the creative ways you can dream of that allow her to inhabit her own skin.

The greatest gift you can give your beloved partner is your attention, so give it generously, and you will always be well rewarded in your love.

A Relationship Worth Dedicating Yourself To

Whichever metaphor inspires you, whether it be thinking of your body as your child, or as your wife, or another “other” once you start perceiving your weight, not as a sign of your body is flawed, but as a sign that your relationship with your body needs your attention for healing and reinvention, the process of slimming down takes on a whole new energy.

Now, knowing you are on this weight loss journey with your wise female body, not against her, let compassion, collaboration and respect for the wisdom of the feminine guide your way.

So tell me in the comments:

1. How’s your relationship with your body right now? How can you invest in making it better?
2. What do you need to do to be proud of your relationship with your body? What needs to improve, and what’s presently flourishing?

Once you do, forward this post to a friend who could benefit from the compassion of this feminine approach.

I send love to you and your female animal, and express my admiration for the loving, kind, compassionate relationship you are in the process of cultivating with her. Each one of us is a role model in our own way.

Love,
xo Jena

P.S. Would you like my hand-holding to make the permanent shift from the masculine to the feminine strategy? Would you like a personal cheerleader for your new, reclaimed loving relationship with your body and with pleasure?

If so, that’s why I created Pleasure Circle, a small group program where you can be personally mentored by me, with the support of a circle of women moving towards the same, pleasurable goals.

It’s the perfect environment for cultivating your new relationship with your body, and for putting the feminine strategies into action. Click here for more information and to register.

“Give Me That Cookie…NOW!”

Do you have the belief that it’s your overwhelming desire for food that’s getting you into trouble? The weight-gaining kind of trouble?

If you do, rest assured, you’re not alone. Many women today share this same false belief. They mistakenly believe that their body–and the desires that stem from their body, like hunger or sexual arousal–are inherently “bad” or “forbidden.”

To overcome this serious misinterpretation about what an overwhelming desire for food really indicates, allow me to lead you back to the true source of the desire.

Desire For P——-!

In many instances, your desire for food is actually a desire for pleasure; namely, the pleasure that’s available through love, connection, intimacy, self-expression, community, fun, sensuality, sexuality, creativity and adventure.

When your desire for these *inherently good and pleasurable* things goes unmet, it gets diverted towards food. (Or alcohol or drugs.)

Make sense?

While your desire for food (that’s leading you to overeat and gain weight,) appears to be the problem, it’s only a mask for a much more expansive range of desires that live inside you, often without a voice, or the confidence to boldly declare themselves to the world.

After 10 years of experience as a weight loss coach I can safely say, if you’re struggling with weight or over-eating, it’s guaranteed you’re using the pleasure of eating food as a substitute for the pleasure of what your body, mind and soul *truly* want and need.

This is happening for two reasons:

1. Your body has a biological requirement to experience pleasure and is programed to get that pleasure-need met somehow, no matter what….
2. Your clever, wise and health-seeking body knows you’re going to reach for food eventually–your survival depends on it–so food is an easy source for meeting your body’s pleasure quota, if other options are not on hand.

Needs Get Noisier and Noisier

An unmet need will always generate an expression of desire in you–that’s how Nature designed you. 

And the longer that need is not met, the stronger it will grow. 

Allow this to go on for long enough, and in a moment of weakness you’ll inevitably find your desire exploding outwards in the form of a raging, overwhelming, uncontrollable desire to eat, and eat, and eat.

Intense, unmet desires are noisy and strong-willed. (So much so they can lead you to empty your entire cupboard!)

So, what’s a woman to make of this common challenge? Here’s my 3-step guide.

3 Steps to Healing (and Understanding) Your Overwhelming Desire for Food

Step 1: Understand what desire and pleasure really are. 

Sadly, pleasure and desire are widely misunderstood in our culture and have terrible reputations, which is why many women have learned to avoid them at all costs.

Most people think of them as silly pie-in-the-sky things, superficial wastes of time, selfish, frivolous, or a once in a while indulgence.

In reality, pleasure and desire are as innocent, pure and natural as life itself.  Pleasure is a biological feedback system that originated to guide an organism towards the thing that benefits it; and desire is the expression of the need for that pleasurable thing. 

Desire and pleasure are not bad, my darling. They are meant to guide you to the deepest fulfillment of your feminine body, mind and soul.

Step 2: Show compassion towards yourself.

The next time you find yourself eating secretly, or in a hurried, disconnected way, take a moment to tune into your feelings. Ask yourself: “What’s happening at this moment? What am I feeling here?”

Odds are that you are feeling pretty lousy about your desire for food, and unmet desire for pleasure. In that instant, think of a mini version of me sitting on your shoulder, whispering “have compassion for yourself, sister,” into your ear.

The most powerful way to heal and soothe your compulsive eating habits is by extending compassion to the living, breathing, feeling, wise, female animal that is your body, who desperately wants you to pay more attention to what you really feel and desire, so you don’t confuse your deeper longings with surface cravings for food.

After all, they’re only there to offer you pleasure. This is the perfection of your pleasure-seeking, desire-expressing body at work.

Step 3: Talk to and investigate your desires. 

The next time you are going to reach for some food, ask yourself: “Am I hungry for food, or hungry for fun/excitement/love/adventure right now?”

If it’s hunger for life that’s making you want to chew, make sure you take time to acknowledge this. Begin a “Desire Journal,” and write down your desires on a weekly (if not daily) basis.

Start with this question: What means do you have to show yourself love, other than food?

Bringing methods of comfort, fun, intimacy and connection into your world besides the act of eating, will get you on the right path to healing overwhelming hunger, and satisfying you in the highest way possible.

So go ahead and start with this:

1. What means do you have to show yourself love, other than food?
2. Think of a time when you reached for food out of boredom, anger, sadness, etc? What did you eat, and what was the true pleasure you might have been longing for?

I know you’ve got a girlfriend who thinks she eats too much, so forward her this post and let her know what she’s really hungering for.

With love,
xo Jena

P.S. Let me tell you the hidden truth about pleasure: it takes practice!

Making the shift from a life where your pleasure is an after thought, to a life that prioritizes pleasure in a healthy, balanced way, is a major step – and it requires due support, time and nurturing.

That’s why I want you to join me in Pleasure Circle.

Pleasure Circle is a small group coaching program, where you’ll have access to my personal mentoring, the teachings of my pleasurable weight loss approach, and a support circle of women going for the same thing you are — the desire to look and feel your best, be at peace with food, and feel confident being a radiant, feminine woman having her way with the world. Click here for the full scoop and to register.

Webster defines pleasure as, “a state of sensual gratification; frivolous amusement.” 

And although I agree with the first part of this definition, the second part is blatantly incorrect and a complete falsehood.

Although widely misunderstood, far from frivolous, pleasure is a powerful evolutionary impulse that informs, inspires and strengthens every life form, from the simplest amoeba to the most civilized urban woman.  It also helps your female body relax, and perform it’s built-in slimming functions at it’s highest levels.

Today’s quiz will help you figure out how you personally relate to pleasure. Do you rock it full time, or is it just a passing thought for you?

Keep a pencil handy to score your answers below.

What’s Your Pleasure Personality?

Choose the best response to the questions below.

1. The pleasurable path to slimming down requires you to shift your entire lifestyle towards the things that        add to your enjoyment of life. An important part of this shift is gradually releasing __________ and embracing ____________.

a) Highly processed food; Food that comes directly from nature. (10 points)

b) Boring, punishing exercises, pleasurable movement. (10 points)

c) Self-loathing; self-appreciation. (20 points)

d) All of the above. (40 points)

2. It’s Friday night and you’re hanging out with a close-knit group of your dearest girlfriends. Suddenly, one of them begins to complain about her body and criticize her looks. What do you do?

a) Allow her to continue gabbing away about what she thinks is “wrong” with her body.  Sympathetically chime in with a few self-criticisms of your own body. (5 points)

b) Silently recognize that self-criticism is an unhealthy epidemic that many women are facing today, and hold space for her during her rant. Promise yourself to not do the same thing, since chronic self-criticism puts your body in a stressed state, and this packs on the pounds. (10 points)

c) Openly tell your pals that every woman’s body is an expression of Mother Nature’s genius and creativity, and needs to be honored as such. Let your friend know that there’s nothing wrong with her brilliant female body, and that there’s plenty that’s lovable about her. Get your gal pals on board to foster an environment of mutual praise and celebration. (30 points)

3. It’s Friday afternoon and you have just come home from a long day at the office. When you arrive at your doorstep, you find a beautifully wrapped slice of freshly baked chocolate cake, as a gift from your neighbor. You’ve already dropped 5 pounds, and there’s nothing remotely slimming about this cake. What should you do?

a) Dunk the cake in the garbage disposal and vow to never even look at cake again. You know that sugar is not a good idea when you’re trying to slim down here! (5 points)

b) Give the cake to your dog, so at least somebody can enjoy the cake. (10 points)

c) Sit and stress about whether or not to eat the cake. Then, guzzle the cake down quickly, full of guilt, while promising yourself to join a gym and get a ferocious personal trainer the very next day. (5 points)

d) Calmly ask your body, your female animal, if she would like to eat some cake. If the answer’s yes, you can take the cake to your kitchen, place it on a beautiful dish and slowly, sensually and gratefully consume precisely the amount of cake your body desires. (30 points)

4. Nature designed you to be an erotic creature – it’s an innocent, healthy and wonderful part of your womanhood. Since feeling sexy is so important to fostering a metabolic environment that supports slimming down, the perfect time to feel sexy, feminine and desirable is _________.

a) As soon as you release 10 pounds. You can look forward to this by shopping for lingerie in the size you want to be, and daydreaming about sensual activities you’ll enjoy once you’re at your ideal size and shape. (5 points)

b) When you’re with your partner. After all, he or she is very good at turning you on, and it’s easier to place your sensual gratification in their hands. (5 points)

c) Once you start taking those Samba dancing classes. You’ll definitely rouse your circulation then, and it’ll be so sexy to wear delicious bits of flashy clothing and feathers in fun places. (10 points)

d) Right now. There’s no time like the present to reclaim your eroticism, and enjoy it as a natural part of your feminine existence. There’s no set recipe for feeling sexy, and you can create your own recipe for it as you reconnect to it, in a gradual, unhurried way. (30 points)

25 – 40 points: Pleasure Minimalist

For now, it looks like your pleasure personality is that of a pleasure minimalist. This doesn’t mean you’re a hopeless case though – it simply means you are at the very beginning of your Pleasurable Weight Loss journey.

To improve your pleasure mojo, team up with a sister or community of women who are working on juicing up their personal enjoyment and fun. They’ll inspire you to shift your lifestyle towards pleasure, so you can reclaim the feelings of relaxation, sensuality and fulfillment that are rightfully yours.

Also, begin to be present – really present. Start taking deep breaths before every meal, tune into your feelings as often as you can and become increasingly observant of your reactions to challenges in life. With observation and presence, you can begin to transform every instant into an opportunity for feeling good.

Consistent feelings of well-being put your body in a relaxation state – which triggers your body’s built-in slimming functions. Allow yourself to be more curious about what feels good to you. Oodles of pleasure await you.

45 – 80 Points: Under Pleasurable Construction

Keep your hard hat on – you’re under pleasurable construction. This means that while you haven’t mastered the art of pleasure yet, you’re well on your way to doing so.

If you were unsure of whether you should eat that piece of chocolate cake, consider a very important Pleasurable Weight Loss principle: tuning into your body wisdom. When you take a moment to listen for your female body’s feedback, you’ll find that she’ll guide you towards the right decision, in every dining opportunity.

When you’re under pleasurable construction, feelings of guilt will pop up for you every now and then. You’ll ask yourself questions like, “Was it okay for me to eat that cake that night?” “What will my _______ say about my choosing to take a weekend just for myself?” “Who am I to release this toxic job/relationship/living situation? What’ll happen when I do?”

Unknown pleasurable possibilities are frightening, but they’re also deeply exciting. They invite you to step into a bigger version of your life, one that is guided by positive pleasures, life-affirming enjoyment and self-trust.

Keep your ears tipped towards your body and her messages – remember she is a highly evolved, living, breathing, wise creature, who can always give you the feedback you need about what to eat, what to do and how you are feeling about anything in your life.

85 – 130 Points: Pleasure Queen

All hail, you’re a pleasure queen! Or maybe you’re still a pleasure princess who’s been doing some magnificently pleasurable work. Regardless, you chose the best possible answers, and your body is already on her way to slimming down naturally, and permanently, whether you’ve noticed it or not.

When you’re a pleasure queen, you realize you’re the one who’s in charge of your own life. You take accountability for your choices, whether they’re related to eating, exercising, socializing and/or resting, and you are powerfully aware that every aspect of your life can either promote or hamper your slimming. 

You, as pleasure queen, are an inspiration to women everywhere, since you’re reclaiming your birthright of feeling wonderful, and are at peace with the rightness of seeking pleasure.

Keep blazing the way, sister. Remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself along your journey, and continue to prioritize your self care, self understanding and sensual enjoyment.

Good job, lovely. You’ve completed the quiz. Tell me:

1. Which result were you? Did you agree with your score, or think you fit into another category?
2. Do you personally know any pleasure queens? Name one or two examples (you can mention yourself if you like), and describe what it is about her that’s particularly pleasure-loving.

Once you’re done typing up your comments, send this quiz over to a friend who needs to get her pleasure – and slimming – going in the right direction.

With never-ceasing love,
xo Jena

P.S. What’s the special sauce every pleasure queen uses to slim down? Community.

You have the opportunity to be closely supported by the Pleasurable Weight Loss community where ever you are, in Pleasure Circle.

Pleasure Circle is a virtual group program that’s a gift for your feminine essence. It’ll help you take charge of your weight goals, and your life, with my one-on-one support in the group setting.

Learn to understand and use your feminine power to slim down, and accomplish anything you desire, at Pleasure Circle.

Have You Ever…

Darling, tell me if you ever experience any of the following:

• Dressing to camouflage your body, instead of showing it off?
• Eating your favorite foods in secrecy for fear of being seen?
• Feeling that your body is unattractive and any man or woman who thinks otherwise is crazy?

If any of these three scenarios are familiar to you, I want to open your eyes to the common thread that unites them all: shame.

Shame: The #1 Silent, Secret Enemy of Slimming Down

In our culture, we’re all familiar with the notion of weight issues being a cause for shame, but did you know that the reverse is also true–that shame can be the cause of weight gain?

It’s a rarely spoken of weight loss fact, that the shame you silently bear within your heart and mind, can actually prevent your body from slimming down!

That’s because chronic shame puts your body chemistry into a low-level stress state where your body increases its production of cortisol and insulin. The spike in these two hormone levels, signal your body to not use fat as a source of energy, and instead to store reserves of fat.

In other words, when your highly-evolved, smart and sensitive female body experiences chronic feelings of shame, she instinctively protects herself by creating or holding on to more fat.

Here’s the conundrum: If your weight causes you shame, and your shame about your weight triggers even more weight gain, you can become trapped in a never-ending downward spiral!

Since most approaches to weight loss never address the impact of shame, this usually hidden emotion, can unknowingly sabotage even the most well-intended and well-executed weight loss plans.

So the question is, how to you escape the clutches of shame, and the metabolic burden that goes along with it?

That’s what we’re exploring in this week’s blog, so take a breath, and let’s explore this 3-step guide to freeing yourself from shame.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Shame.

The first step to resolving your feelings of shame is by consciously acknowledging that they’re there, inside your body, where you feelings happen.

Acknowledge your shame, judgment free. Notice it as you would notice any other common thing. You can say to it, “why, hello there shame. Here you are.”

The key trick is to not add an extra layer of shame on top of the shame that’s already there! Instead, embrace an attitude of appreciation, meaning that whether you like it or not, you simply appreciate that for the time being, that particular feeling is there.

Step 2: Understand it.

Gently ask your shame, “How did you get here?”

Shame didn’t magically creep through your window one night. Just like any other deep-seated emotion, shame has roots.

Get curious about it. Do your feelings of shame stem from unkind comments made about your body when you were small?

Was shame present in the culture of your family growing up? (It certainly was in mine.)

Was it instilled into you at school or by religion?

Make a point to explore your own life story and examine the roots of your shame. Understand how it may have arrived in your life, and that insight be a bridge to freeing yourself from shame’s toxic effects.

Step 3: Expose it & Love on it

Shame is like a fungus – it can only survive in the dark!

When you keep your shame secretly to yourself, it survives and thrives within you. But if you expose your shame to someone who loves you, it gets aired out, and set free from your emotional system. Hence the phrase, “Get it off your chest!” (And as a side bonus, by doing so, you’re also supporting your weight loss too.)

I know it’s counter-intuitive, but by expressing what you’ve been hiding, and sharing your shame with others, the sticky, heavy feeling starts to dissolve, and eventually loses its choking paralyzing grip on you.

Without even trying to change it, exposing your shame to a trusted friend or confidant interrupts the downwards spiral.

Once it’s out in the open, remember, don’t fall into the trap of having more shame about your shame. Instead douse your shame in buckets of compassion, whispering softly onto the wounds in your heart, that everything is ok, and that you are good, and you are loved.

In the presence of your unbending compassion, your shame will lessen and eventually vanish, and your self-esteem will grow, both supporting your metabolism to hum along with pleasure, enhancing the benefit of every other positive move you make on your weight loss journey.

I know it feels risky, but even if you’re even a little skeptical, then I encourage you to give this a try. Healing shame is an intense experience, but when you do, you’ll feel infinitely lighter on every level, and your body can relax and let go of extra weight.

Ok, wonderful woman, are you with me?

Review the above 3 steps, and check out these questions:

1. Which situations trigger shame for you?
2. Have you ever noticed a feeling of shame and been able to let it go by airing it out? Share your story – it might take another woman higher.

Once you’re through responding, if you know another woman who is feeling burdened by shame, please pass this along to her too.

And lastly, can you guess who your #1 fan in releasing your shame might be?

Yours truly,
xo Jena

P.S. What’s the most powerful tool a woman can have when going about healing her shame? A community of love, support and openness, comprised of other like-minded, pro-pleasure women.

To give you that support starting immediately, plus my personalized coaching and mentoring, I’ve created my monthly group coaching program called Pleasure Circle. The next call is tomorrow, so if you’re ready to have my support on your path to slimming down in a pleasurable, sustainable way, click here for more information and to secure your spot. (link to pleaure circle sales page)

If you’ve been here before, I’m sure you already know quite a bit about the feminine art form that is slimming down with pleasure.

I bet you’re familiar with pleasurable slimming skills such as:

• Prioritizing fun in your life, to activate your most powerful calorie-burning metabolism
• Engaging your body in pleasurable exercise that lights you up
• Honoring your body like the amazingly wise, breathing, feeling, lively female animal that she is

3 Things You Didn’t Know about Slimming Down with Pleasure

Still, there are 3 key advanced skills you may not know about slimming down with pleasure, that I want you to have at your fingertip.

Read on to discover these 3 skills for slimming with pleasure. Look them over, let them sink in, and infuse them into your life as soon as you can.

1. You’ve got to be accountable for it.

If you want to slim down with pleasure like a pro, you’ve got to start taking accountability for your pleasure, and your life.

What does taking accountability mean? It means owning the fact that you are the author of your life, and not the victim of your unique circumstances. It also means realizing you are the only person who is responsible for infusing pleasure into your body, and life.

Many women who are not on the path of Pleasurable Weight Loss (yet) often complain about their bodies, their lives and their challenges. Rather than claiming their power to create their bodies and lives in the way they desire, they sit and whine about how they can’t have what they want.

Darling, leave the whining for the sour grapes. Take accountability for, and investigate, your heart’s desires. Ask yourself:

• What do you, the author of your life, truly desire?
• What do you want to create that you’ve been postponing or ignoring?

If you don’t investigate your desires, and become accountable for them, your unfulfilled desire will get deflected on to food. Your body will sense your lack of “full”fillment, and demand you fill yourself with food to fill that gaping hole.

Once you take accountability for your body and life, you’ll be practicing a world class skill, used exclusively by the most seasoned and successful Pleasurable Weight Loss queens. I wholeheartedly believe in your power to own this skill, no matter how new you may be to slimming with pleasure.

2. You’ve got to create a sustainable ecology.

Once you become accountable for your body and life, you can use your power to create an ecology that supports your slimming down, every day, in every possible way, for the long run.

A sustainable ecology for your slimming would never require you to take diet pills, restrict your food or sacrifice your joy in any way. On the contrary, it would invite you to reach for your fun, freedom and pleasure, in every aspect of your life.

Let’s take a moment to better understand the power of a slimming ecology: imagine a fat, domestic cat and a rainforest monkey.

The fat, domestic, household cat is surrounded by 4 walls, its owner and the same, lame toys, every day. It mimics its owner’s tv-watching behavior, eats some low-quality cat food and lives a pretty disconnected, boring life.

Now, consider the rainforest monkey. The rainforest monkey hangs around other rainforest monkeys who are wild, free, moving from tree to tree and eating foods that come straight from Mama Earth, all amidst the beauty of nature.

This wisdom rings clear: If you want to be slim, surround yourself with a lively ecology of people who also want to be, or already are, using pleasure to get and stay slim.

Creating a sustainable ecology for your slimming down through pleasure is definitely one of the main skills used by advanced Pleasuristas, or women on the path of pleasure. And you can rock it, too.

3. You’ve got to be present. 

A major key to slimming down with pleasure is being completely present while experiencing your food, thoughts and feelings.

When it comes to eating your food like a seasoned Pleasurista, you’ve got to be 100% centered, free of distractions and consciously connected to the food you are eating.

Note: You get extra credit points if you’re in a beautiful, nurturing environment, and in the presence of good company that is also eating in a centered, pleasurable way.

Being present with your food connects your sensory awareness to the messages that your body is sending you. You’ll eat the right amount, feel fuller sooner and hey, even enjoy your food a hundredfold.

Also, make sure you become present with your thoughts and feelings, i.e. your internal ecology.

• What language are you mentally using to describe your wise, female body?
• Are you feeling judgmental about your body, shape or size?

Get present and consciously connected to your thoughts, your feelings and your habits of eating. Becoming aware of something is the very first and most important step to changing it, like a pleasure pro.

This, my darling, concludes the 3 masterful tips of slimming down with pleasure.

Obviously, these keys are not for the weak of heart – they’re for powerful women who are ready to take their slimming to a whole other level – the permanently pleasurable level.

Be accountable, create ecology, and be present. And when you’re ready, consider these questions:

1. Which advanced pleasurable skill sounds the most accessible to you? Which are you ready to try out this week?
2. Which advanced skill sounds the toughest and most foreign? Why?

Once you’re through being present with this post, make sure you forward it to another woman in your life that’s ready to go pro with her pleasurable slimming. Teamwork can be magical!

With tremendous faith in you,
xo Jena

P.S. If you’re in NYC and would like a taste of these principles in action, I’m hosting a no-cost live Introduction to Pleasurable Weight Loss on Thursday, January 24th, 7.30 – 9.30pm, and you are welcome to join me.

The effect of these teachings is multiplied when delivered live, so if you’re in the NYC area and want to master the pleasurable approach to slimming down and healing your relationship with food, then I strongly encourage you to make it a priority to be there. Click here for more info and to reserve your seat.