Have You Ever…

Darling, tell me if you ever experience any of the following:

• Dressing to camouflage your body, instead of showing it off?
• Eating your favorite foods in secrecy for fear of being seen?
• Feeling that your body is unattractive and any man or woman who thinks otherwise is crazy?

If any of these three scenarios are familiar to you, I want to open your eyes to the common thread that unites them all: shame.

Shame: The #1 Silent, Secret Enemy of Slimming Down

In our culture, we’re all familiar with the notion of weight issues being a cause for shame, but did you know that the reverse is also true–that shame can be the cause of weight gain?

It’s a rarely spoken of weight loss fact, that the shame you silently bear within your heart and mind, can actually prevent your body from slimming down!

That’s because chronic shame puts your body chemistry into a low-level stress state where your body increases its production of cortisol and insulin. The spike in these two hormone levels, signal your body to not use fat as a source of energy, and instead to store reserves of fat.

In other words, when your highly-evolved, smart and sensitive female body experiences chronic feelings of shame, she instinctively protects herself by creating or holding on to more fat.

Here’s the conundrum: If your weight causes you shame, and your shame about your weight triggers even more weight gain, you can become trapped in a never-ending downward spiral!

Since most approaches to weight loss never address the impact of shame, this usually hidden emotion, can unknowingly sabotage even the most well-intended and well-executed weight loss plans.

So the question is, how to you escape the clutches of shame, and the metabolic burden that goes along with it?

That’s what we’re exploring in this week’s blog, so take a breath, and let’s explore this 3-step guide to freeing yourself from shame.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Shame.

The first step to resolving your feelings of shame is by consciously acknowledging that they’re there, inside your body, where you feelings happen.

Acknowledge your shame, judgment free. Notice it as you would notice any other common thing. You can say to it, “why, hello there shame. Here you are.”

The key trick is to not add an extra layer of shame on top of the shame that’s already there! Instead, embrace an attitude of appreciation, meaning that whether you like it or not, you simply appreciate that for the time being, that particular feeling is there.

Step 2: Understand it.

Gently ask your shame, “How did you get here?”

Shame didn’t magically creep through your window one night. Just like any other deep-seated emotion, shame has roots.

Get curious about it. Do your feelings of shame stem from unkind comments made about your body when you were small?

Was shame present in the culture of your family growing up? (It certainly was in mine.)

Was it instilled into you at school or by religion?

Make a point to explore your own life story and examine the roots of your shame. Understand how it may have arrived in your life, and that insight be a bridge to freeing yourself from shame’s toxic effects.

Step 3: Expose it & Love on it

Shame is like a fungus – it can only survive in the dark!

When you keep your shame secretly to yourself, it survives and thrives within you. But if you expose your shame to someone who loves you, it gets aired out, and set free from your emotional system. Hence the phrase, “Get it off your chest!” (And as a side bonus, by doing so, you’re also supporting your weight loss too.)

I know it’s counter-intuitive, but by expressing what you’ve been hiding, and sharing your shame with others, the sticky, heavy feeling starts to dissolve, and eventually loses its choking paralyzing grip on you.

Without even trying to change it, exposing your shame to a trusted friend or confidant interrupts the downwards spiral.

Once it’s out in the open, remember, don’t fall into the trap of having more shame about your shame. Instead douse your shame in buckets of compassion, whispering softly onto the wounds in your heart, that everything is ok, and that you are good, and you are loved.

In the presence of your unbending compassion, your shame will lessen and eventually vanish, and your self-esteem will grow, both supporting your metabolism to hum along with pleasure, enhancing the benefit of every other positive move you make on your weight loss journey.

I know it feels risky, but even if you’re even a little skeptical, then I encourage you to give this a try. Healing shame is an intense experience, but when you do, you’ll feel infinitely lighter on every level, and your body can relax and let go of extra weight.

Ok, wonderful woman, are you with me?

Review the above 3 steps, and check out these questions:

1. Which situations trigger shame for you?
2. Have you ever noticed a feeling of shame and been able to let it go by airing it out? Share your story – it might take another woman higher.

Once you’re through responding, if you know another woman who is feeling burdened by shame, please pass this along to her too.

And lastly, can you guess who your #1 fan in releasing your shame might be?

Yours truly,
xo Jena

P.S. What’s the most powerful tool a woman can have when going about healing her shame? A community of love, support and openness, comprised of other like-minded, pro-pleasure women.

To give you that support starting immediately, plus my personalized coaching and mentoring, I’ve created my monthly group coaching program called Pleasure Circle. The next call is tomorrow, so if you’re ready to have my support on your path to slimming down in a pleasurable, sustainable way, click here for more information and to secure your spot. (link to pleaure circle sales page)