“Give Me That Cookie…NOW!”

Do you have the belief that it’s your overwhelming desire for food that’s getting you into trouble? The weight-gaining kind of trouble?

If you do, rest assured, you’re not alone. Many women today share this same false belief. They mistakenly believe that their body–and the desires that stem from their body, like hunger or sexual arousal–are inherently “bad” or “forbidden.”

To overcome this serious misinterpretation about what an overwhelming desire for food really indicates, allow me to lead you back to the true source of the desire.

Desire For P——-!

In many instances, your desire for food is actually a desire for pleasure; namely, the pleasure that’s available through love, connection, intimacy, self-expression, community, fun, sensuality, sexuality, creativity and adventure.

When your desire for these *inherently good and pleasurable* things goes unmet, it gets diverted towards food. (Or alcohol or drugs.)

Make sense?

While your desire for food (that’s leading you to overeat and gain weight,) appears to be the problem, it’s only a mask for a much more expansive range of desires that live inside you, often without a voice, or the confidence to boldly declare themselves to the world.

After 10 years of experience as a weight loss coach I can safely say, if you’re struggling with weight or over-eating, it’s guaranteed you’re using the pleasure of eating food as a substitute for the pleasure of what your body, mind and soul *truly* want and need.

This is happening for two reasons:

1. Your body has a biological requirement to experience pleasure and is programed to get that pleasure-need met somehow, no matter what….
2. Your clever, wise and health-seeking body knows you’re going to reach for food eventually–your survival depends on it–so food is an easy source for meeting your body’s pleasure quota, if other options are not on hand.

Needs Get Noisier and Noisier

An unmet need will always generate an expression of desire in you–that’s how Nature designed you. 

And the longer that need is not met, the stronger it will grow. 

Allow this to go on for long enough, and in a moment of weakness you’ll inevitably find your desire exploding outwards in the form of a raging, overwhelming, uncontrollable desire to eat, and eat, and eat.

Intense, unmet desires are noisy and strong-willed. (So much so they can lead you to empty your entire cupboard!)

So, what’s a woman to make of this common challenge? Here’s my 3-step guide.

3 Steps to Healing (and Understanding) Your Overwhelming Desire for Food

Step 1: Understand what desire and pleasure really are. 

Sadly, pleasure and desire are widely misunderstood in our culture and have terrible reputations, which is why many women have learned to avoid them at all costs.

Most people think of them as silly pie-in-the-sky things, superficial wastes of time, selfish, frivolous, or a once in a while indulgence.

In reality, pleasure and desire are as innocent, pure and natural as life itself.  Pleasure is a biological feedback system that originated to guide an organism towards the thing that benefits it; and desire is the expression of the need for that pleasurable thing. 

Desire and pleasure are not bad, my darling. They are meant to guide you to the deepest fulfillment of your feminine body, mind and soul.

Step 2: Show compassion towards yourself.

The next time you find yourself eating secretly, or in a hurried, disconnected way, take a moment to tune into your feelings. Ask yourself: “What’s happening at this moment? What am I feeling here?”

Odds are that you are feeling pretty lousy about your desire for food, and unmet desire for pleasure. In that instant, think of a mini version of me sitting on your shoulder, whispering “have compassion for yourself, sister,” into your ear.

The most powerful way to heal and soothe your compulsive eating habits is by extending compassion to the living, breathing, feeling, wise, female animal that is your body, who desperately wants you to pay more attention to what you really feel and desire, so you don’t confuse your deeper longings with surface cravings for food.

After all, they’re only there to offer you pleasure. This is the perfection of your pleasure-seeking, desire-expressing body at work.

Step 3: Talk to and investigate your desires. 

The next time you are going to reach for some food, ask yourself: “Am I hungry for food, or hungry for fun/excitement/love/adventure right now?”

If it’s hunger for life that’s making you want to chew, make sure you take time to acknowledge this. Begin a “Desire Journal,” and write down your desires on a weekly (if not daily) basis.

Start with this question: What means do you have to show yourself love, other than food?

Bringing methods of comfort, fun, intimacy and connection into your world besides the act of eating, will get you on the right path to healing overwhelming hunger, and satisfying you in the highest way possible.

So go ahead and start with this:

1. What means do you have to show yourself love, other than food?
2. Think of a time when you reached for food out of boredom, anger, sadness, etc? What did you eat, and what was the true pleasure you might have been longing for?

I know you’ve got a girlfriend who thinks she eats too much, so forward her this post and let her know what she’s really hungering for.

With love,
xo Jena

P.S. Let me tell you the hidden truth about pleasure: it takes practice!

Making the shift from a life where your pleasure is an after thought, to a life that prioritizes pleasure in a healthy, balanced way, is a major step – and it requires due support, time and nurturing.

That’s why I want you to join me in Pleasure Circle.

Pleasure Circle is a small group coaching program, where you’ll have access to my personal mentoring, the teachings of my pleasurable weight loss approach, and a support circle of women going for the same thing you are — the desire to look and feel your best, be at peace with food, and feel confident being a radiant, feminine woman having her way with the world. Click here for the full scoop and to register.