I’m busy, you’re busy, we’re all busy.

It begs the questions, how do we *make* more time?

You know, time to eat well, exercise, and feed your pleasure, on top of everything else you’re expected to accomplish.

To help answer that question I’ve interviewed one of the most productive people I know, business coach extraordinaire, and author of Make Every Man Want You, Marie Forleo, on how the heck she does it all, and how she stays slim in the process.

Jena: How are the ideas in your book, Make Every Man Want You relevant to weight loss?

Marie: One of the main ideas from Make Every Man Want You is that it’s so important for women to not only have an amazing relationship, but to have an amazing relationship with your body, by training yourself to be in the current moment.

Most of us live our lives so in our thoughts. We’re constantly thinking about the past, or worrying about the future, and on automatic pilot. That way of operating often translates into how, and what we eat, and how much exercise, if any, that we’re getting. I know for myself, before discovering the “living in the moment” lifestyle, I did things very much by habit.

Once I started training myself to be more conscious and aware of where I was, and engaged with what is happening right now, it had a tremendous impact on the way that I eat, and on my ability to work out consistently.

Jena: So you’re saying living in the moment gets us out of our heads, and into the present moment, including into our bodies. 

Marie: I know for me, if I’m on automatic pilot, if I get nervous, or if I’m just not paying attention, it’s so easy to reach for a bag of chips. Orwhen you come home from work and you are completely exhausted, most of us just go the fridge, open it up, and grab whatever is in there, almost mindlessly. When you train yourself to be in this moment, and to live in the now, an amazing thing happen–you start paying attention, and you get off automatic pilot.

Rather than going right to refrigerator, opening it up and stuffing your face with whatever is in there, you are slowing down enough to pay attention to ask “what do I really feel like?” rather than grabbing leftovers, or grabbing something that is frozen, has lots of additives, or is genetically-altered food. Instead you grab a piece of fruit, or you take the time to make a salad, or you go out to get a healthy meal. It may sound like a simple shift, but when you add those little moments up throughout your day, throughout your week and month and year, it translates into a whole transformation of how you treat your body, and how you live in your body.

Jena:  The words “pay attention” crystallize it for me. Everything becomes so simple when we pay attention. 

Marie: Yes, it sounds like a very simple idea, but it’s huge. Albert Einstein is quoted as saying, “when the solution is simple, God is answering”. Whatever you want to call God, whether it is the Universe, or Flow or anything like that, I think this is a brilliant quote. So often we try and overcomplicate things. We have these grand complex schemes and formulas and blueprints, but often bringing it down to simple wisdom can have the most profound effects.

Jena: An ex-partner of mine was a genius, brilliant in arts, science, music, technology and more and when people would say, “oh, you are so smart,” he would say, “actually I’m not, I just pay attention”. That was a huge lesson for me. What I hear you saying is that being able to pay attention stems from simply being in the moment. 

Marie: Exactly. There is a principle that says “no two things can occupy the same space at the same time”. What that means is that in any given moment, you are either thinking about your life–worrying about the future might turn out, or beating yourself up about the past–OR, you are fully engaged in what’s happening right here and right now, with what is actually in front of you with reality.

For example, right now I am standing in my kitchen. I have my hand on my marble countertop, and I can feel everything. I can feel the temperature of the air. I can feel the phone against my ear as we are doing this interview, and those are very real, tactile experiences, but if we are really honest with ourselves, most of us don’t really live our lives really being where we are at. That is where I found that most of us get ourselves into trouble.

Jena: Relating this idea to weight loss, is it a matter of getting away from, “Oh I need to lose weight, I should work out, I should eat better,” into “in this moment, I choose to walk instead of taking a taxi. In this moment I choose the apple over the snickers bar.” Like that? 

Marie: Exactly. It can really be that simple. Just taking it down to what are you doing right now when you are at the buffet line. What you are putting on your plate? Are you really paying attention to what you are doing?

Even when it comes to exercising, a lot of people show up like a zombie at the gym, stick on their iPods, and they are off somewhere else in their minds. Well, what would it be like if you were actually there for the experience? Whether it is walking or, I am a huge fan of dancing, what would it be like to just really be there, get into the activity, feel your pulse working,  feel yourself sweat, and to enjoy the whole experience.

Jena: Yes, in theory it might sound like a smart usage of time to multitask your exercise with watching the news or listening to a book on tape, but in reality, it’s my opinion that the body knows that it is being cheated of the full experience, and this can prevent weight loss from occurring, not matter how many calories are being burned.

Marie: Absolutely. There’s something really magical about the lifestyle of being really engaged in whatever you are doing and allowing yourself to feel it. I have seen the affects for myself. It’s phenomenal. I really slow down when I’m grocery shopping instead of automatically picking up the easier, kind of crap foods. It’s like, “no wait. What do I want to stock the fridge with? What do I want to have in my pantry?” So that when I go home my choices are much healthier. I can chose from nuts or fruit, rather than chips and ice cream.

Jena: Marie, what are the biggest ways you’ve noticed women sabotaging their own efforts to have their ideal body?

Marie: As women, often we don’t really honor ourselves, or our bodies. For example, taking the time in the morning to take a great shower, and wash your hair using shampoo and conditioners you find lovely and delicious. Or taking those extra five or six minutes to put on your makeup with care, rather than just slapping it on. Or when you go into your closet, choosing an outfit that you feel great in.

One of biggest ways women sabotage the prospect of having their ideal body is not taking time to really honor themselves and care for themselves, like they were a beautiful gem, like a diamond that just needs to be shined.

One of the things I’ve found working with women, is the idea or myth that they don’t have the time to do it, as if someone else has set up their life other than them. It’s like “I don’t have the time to exercise, I don’t have the time to do this or that.” It begs the question, “well, who is control of your life?” Is there someone that has come down and given you this unreasonable schedule? Most of us have an automatic kind of reaction like “oh man, everyone is doing my life to me. The world has put it upon me,” rather than shifting that, taking full responsibility for it and realizing that we have the power to create more time.

Another thing that makes a big difference is taking a look at what are you feeding, not only your body in terms of nutrition, but what are you feeding yourself in terms of media? Are you watching movies or reading magazines, articles or blogs that are centered around health, education and inspiration? I keep surrounding myself in my environment with media that supports me in having that healthy and hot body.

Jena: I love your point about honoring our bodies now. As I see it, if you don’t start practice loving your body in the now, when you do succeed in achieving your weight loss goal, you may not have developed the muscle of actually loving your body. Ironically, losing weight and loving your body, don’t necessarily come hand in hand, though we expect they will. 

Marie: Yes, absolutely.

Jena: There’s a difference between bullying yours body into weight loss, and loving or honoring your body into weight loss.

Marie: Yes. And for a few just tactical strategies any woman can start to put into place immediately to take that idea you’re sharing and to bring it to life, it can be as simple as finding an amazing moisturizer that’s really great for your skin. You better believe that it translates into self-confidence.

If I am sitting in a restaurant and there is the choice between the cheese steak or the grilled fish, I am going to go for the grilled fish, because there is that air of self-confidence. Even something else, like as far as having a great pair of earrings you love, when you put them on, it doesn’t matter what your weight is, you feel beautiful, and when you feel beautiful from the inside out, you start to actually make choices that are in alignment with that. And that’s very connected to what you eat and how you are treating your body.

Jena: Any other practical suggestions, Marie?

Marie: A few things. I think one of the most important things that women need to keep in mind is that they need to have fun. Often times fun gets put on the back burner. We get busy. We have a lot to do with our businesses, work, and careers, and if you happen to have kids or a family, everything just gets compounded, with shopping, and making dinners, and cleaning the house.

One of the most powerful transformational tools in the world is the ability to have fun. Whether that means putting some great music on your iPod, so that when you are cleaning the house, you can kind of dance around while you do it. Or making the time to go out on a date, whether it’s with your significant other, or a bunch of girlfriends, or if you’re in the dating mode, and just with someone with whom you have a great time.

When you start having fun in your life, and you make that a consistent ingredient, it bleeds over into everything else. Fun is a practical tool. It doesn’t cost anything, and you can have it at any time, any place.

Jena: For me pleasure, fun, relaxation are all synonyms. This advice is right on track! Marie, what are your personal tricks for maintaining your great figure, busy woman that you are? 

Marie: One of my favorite ways to stay in shape is yoga. I am a huge, huge fan of yoga, especially during the summer time. What I love about yoga, is that typically the classes are an hour and a half. So there is a nice long time frame, and I just love the way I feel, and particularly because it meshes very nicely with the whole “in the moment” philosophy, where you are not doing anything else, but really being with your body.

The other thing that I do, any chance I can get to dance, I absolutely love to dance. I feel like dances is one of those forms of exercise where you don’t even realize that you are exercising, because it is so much fun.

You are so engaged in the choreography, and so engaged with the music, and with the people you are dancing with, you often times have no attention on the fact that you are sweating your buns off.

You just don’t even have time to think which is a great, I think a great place to exercise from, because you usually exercise much more fully, and it’s a better experience than drooling away with boredom on a treadmill, or doing something where you are hating every minute.

From a nutritional perspective I find that, while I’m definitely not a vegetarian, the more I can feed my body whole grains, and lots of leafy greens and vegetables, I just feel better. I have more energy, and I feel like my weight stays really consistent. I find that anytime I kind go off-track from that, and start having anything with artificial sweeteners, or really processed foods, I don’t feel so good. I don’t feel confident. I find that my mind set starts to kind of slip, and get just a little more stressed out, maybe a little depressed, not feeling like my full self. Those are some of the things that work for me.

Jena: I’m curious, we are New Yorkers both and it is very much a culture of going out to restaurants. Any tips on how to eat out without going off track? 

Marie: One of the things I do when I’m going out to dinner with a group if I can, is that I will direct the party to a restaurant I know has great, healthy food available. So instead of sitting back, and always letting other people choose the restaurants, it’s a great opportunity if you are going out, to take the helm, and to know the healthy restaurants in your area, so you can always direct going out to those places.

If you find yourself obviously traveling, or if you are in a new city, or if you have no possibility whatsoever of choosing the restaurant, often times you can get great sides that are healthy. So many places will have sides of vegetables or different things, that you may be able to almost create your own entrée out of a bunch of sides. and keep yourself on track that way.

Jena: Those are great ideas. I especially like the idea of taking leadership in your peer group, directing the flow towards a healthy restaurant.

Marie: Often times with so many parts of our lives, we almost take this subservient role as though again, the world is doing everything to us, and nothing is in our control. All it takes is a little bit of a point of view shift. Most healthy food places are very good these days. Things don’t taste like cardboard anymore. People are getting very skillful at making incredibly nutritious, healthy meals, that taste phenomenal.

Jena: I agree. And on the topic of stress, Marie, as you know there is a hormonal connection between stress and weight gain.  I observe two categories of stress–every day stress that is inevitable, and beyond that, self-created stress, such as “I don’t look good in this dress.” In either case, what’s your advice on dealing with stress knowing it can potentially sabotage any weight loss attempt?

Marie: My answer is going to be a little racy, but I found it to be one of the most affective ways to just annihilate stress, especially for women, is to have a lot more sex. In our younger years hormones are very active, and so that kind of drives our experiences. When you are in your early twenties, all of that stuff just happens automatically, and we will have as much sex as we want, but as the years go on the hormones kind of start to shift a little bit ,and priorities start to shift, and life gets more complex, and this is another area, especially for women, that can start to slide to the back burner, and almost become non-existent.

It’s really funny, some of my clients, their eyeballs pop out of their head when we’re having a session, and I’m saying “well, you really need to have more sex.” They totally expected some marketing strategy, and they come back going, “oh my God! I can’t believe it worked!”

Everything starts to fall into place and I really believe it is because our sensual part of ourselves, it is so natural. It is such an essential part of who we are as human beings, and to start to shut that down or when that starts to dry up, part of us is out of balance.

Of course, the printer breaks down, the subway doesn’t come, your flight gets delayed, little things like that can then all of a sudden magnify your experience of life as just one stress after another but when we are satisfied, especially when we are sensually satisfied, our ability to just engage with our day and to have things be smooth and easy, it is kind of magical. Things don’t get quite as hard. You are like “ah, the plane was delayed”. It is like a BFD, it’s like “alright, fine, no problem”.

So having more sex is definitely a huge, huge component. It doesn’t matter whether you have a partner, or you are solo. There are ways to take care of things–women can be very creative in that sense.

The other thing is we have to circle back to this whole idea of really training yourself to live in the moment. One of the things I discovered, and it’s kind of a mind-blower for me, is that stress is a function of not being where you are. In this very instant there really are no problems, you know, if you are reading this blog right now, unless there’s someone holding a gun to your head, or your plane is about to crash, there really are no problems.

Everything is fine in this moment. So when we leave and go off into a fiction of a future, worrying about how things could turn out, do we then start to create that stress reaction? So coming back to the live in the moment thing, it’s a really, really useful tool in very organically and naturally dissolving stress.

Jena: I love both of those answers, fantastic. Sex is both a great prevention for stress and a great cure.

Marie: Totally, totally.

Jena: Last thing, Marie, time management. Collectively we struggle with the idea of “I don’t have time to…fill in the blank. I don’t have time to be in the moment. I don’t have time to lose weight. I don’t have time to eat well.” When we are so exasperated about not having time, where do we begin? 

Marie: One of the things I love to do is to get myself out of information overload. So what does that mean? Taking a look at my e-mail inbox, and unsubscribing from any newsletters or notifications that don’t feed me. When I say feed me, I mean in a spiritual or intellectual sense. Sometimes you get on these lists, and things are kind of just crap, do you know what I mean? There are other things that every time you get an e-mail, you feel like you’ve just taken a vitamin. So I always like to kind of comb through my information input like everything that is coming in and just start to reduce that.

The other thing is just the power of saying no. One of the things that’s challenging, especially for women, is often times we are so wired to please, and wired to say yes, and to except every invitation, and every opportunity, and everything that comes in, forgetting that we have the power to say no. You know if someone invites us out, we really don’t have to go all the time. We can say no to things, or say “you know what? I am going to take from 8:00 AM to 10:00 AM and that is just going to be me time. So no phone calls. No nothing, no cleaning, no any kind of tasks except for me”.

I think it’s about stepping into our power, and recognizing that we do have that control, and that we have created our lives. So if our lives are a little bit messy right now, it’s not a bad thing, but we do have the power to “un-mess” it, so to speak.

Jena: I can see how being in the moment saves us a lot of time in the end, by not being caught thinking about the past or future.

Marie: That is actually huge. That is the biggest thing. When you come back to the idea that no two things can occupy the same space at the same time, in any given moment, you are either complaining about your life, and all you have to do,or you are actually getting things done.

If you use that simple idea, just that one idea as the barometer, meaning, if you notice that you are thinking about all that you have to do, and you are worrying about it at that very instant, stop and shift your attention to getting something done.

So whether that is making the list, sending the e-mail, making the phone call, every time you catch yourself “thinking about overwhelm” you just redirect your attention into action, that handles about 90% of overwhelm.

Jena: Brilliant. So simple, yet so wise. Marie, any last words? 

Marie: For anyone reading this, if you find yourself in a place where you are just not feeling so great, or you are in that area of transition where you are discovering how to re-love your body, and really take care of it, that you will absolutely get there.

You will absolutely get there, and if you can be with the process, and if you can make it a celebration, a journey and an adventure, it will happen that much faster.

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Marie Forleo believes in a world where every woman has the power to create a business and life she loves. Her mission is to help you realize your greatest potential and use your unique talents to change the world. She’s the creator of the award-winning show, MarieTV and has been featured on Forbes.com, Oprah Radio and The New York Times among others. www.marieforleo.com