“A woman’s power is directly proportional to the amount of
pleasure she is experiencing in her life.”
Callan Lynne

As women, we have a compromised relationship with “pleasure” because we’ve linked pleasure and shame; it’s hammered into us that when we go for what feels good it is somehow disgraceful.

But what if you knew that the more pleasure you experience, the more confident, clear and creative you become? And the more powerfully alive you become? And the happier you become?

By “pleasure” I mean “g-rated” feel-good experiences like petting a puppy, the smell of the earth after it rains, the fairy-light touch of a feather on your inner arm, the calligraphy of a child’s eyelashes on the curve her cheek, freshly baked melting chocolate chip cookies, or your full-body YES!

And by “pleasure” I also mean “x-rated” feel-good experiences like heavy petting, the smell of your lover’s neck, his or her firm grasp on your hips, the skywriting of soul-opening orgasms, kisses that melt your knees, or your full-body YES!

By pleasure, I mean all of it.

Now, get this: built into your biology, there is a remarkable link between your pleasure and your confidence. When you experience (or expect to experience) pleasurable sensations (the x-rated as well as the g-rated kinds), the nerve endings in your pelvis fire off. Those pleasurable sensations (even if they have nothing to do with sex) are relayed through your pelvic nerve, to your spinal cord, up to your brain and your brain releases the neurotransmitter, dopamine.

Now, dopamine, sister, equals confidence.

When dopamine fires off in the brain of a woman, you experience confidence, clarity and powerful surges of creativity. You feel like a million bucks. You can think and decide clearly; you know “I can do it!” and you know what “it” is. Dopamine gives you access to your natural sense of leadership; you are naturally able to speak your mind and heart and take responsible risks.

However counter-intuitive it may seem, in the body of a woman, more pleasure equals more confidence; and more confidence equals more power.

About three years ago, I sat on a patch of green grass, white IPhone ear buds in my ears, listening to a recorded lecture given by Naomi Wolfe on her recent, ground-breaking book, Vagina. She described a time when her outlook on life and self began to dim frighteningly and her ability to feel physical and emotional pleasure dipped dramatically. Once satisfying sex became lack-luster. She felt disconnected from people she loved and the world in general. She struggled to find meaning, even in her work.

(In case you don’t yet know her work, Naomi Wolfe is an author and modern-day feminist powerhouse. Her incredibly inspiring life’s work has been to – repeatedly, eloquently and accurately – articulate the road-blocks in the way of women’s freedom, voices and leadership).

Wolfe was finally diagnosed with Anhedonia, which translates as “no pleasure,” a medical condition characterized by the inability to feel pleasure.

“Anhedonia; maybe that’s what I have,” I thought, chewing on a blade of grass. I had spent the last four months with symptoms like Wolfe’s.

I continued to listen. Doctors found the cause of Wolfe’s Anhedonia: one of her vertebrae was out of place and hence inhibiting the full function of her pelvic nerve. One successful surgery later and her ability to feel physical and emotional pleasure returned. She felt like herself again: connected, caring, ecstatic, bright and full of life.

Six agonizing months after listening to that lecture, after trying everything from acupuncture, massage and homeopathy to coaching, spirit animals, and a round with a functional medical doctor specializing in hormone balance, a dear friend suggested I try amino acid therapy, based on the work of Julia Ross and her book, The Mood Cure. Not hoping for much, since everything I had been trying over the last year hadn’t moved my depression dial, I took a bunch of little white capsules, filled with the amino acid, L-Tyrosine.

About 24 hours later, I was driving in my car and a Rihanna song came on the radio. I belted it out along with the diva, whose name rhymes with mine, grateful no one could hear me. (I’m talented in many ways, but and music is decidedly not one of them. Showers and cars love me and my wobbly, off-key but earnest singing voice). All of a sudden, I felt a surge of intense sensation wash over my body: tingling, heat, euphoric bubbles, my heart swelling, nearly overwhelming me.

“What is this that I am feeling?” I wondered. And then it hit me. I was feeling joy, an emotional experience I hadn’t felt in nearly a year. Joy, for no reason than the joy of simply being alive, of feeling the pleasure of singing along with a sassy song.

“Oh my god, I’m feeling JOY. My joy is back.” I thought. I literally cried tears of joy.

Now, here’s the thing about L-Tyrosine: it stimulates dopamine.

I got my joy and aliveness back by getting my dopamine back on line, while Naomi Wolfe got hers back by restoring her pelvic nerve’s ability to send pleasure smoke signals to her brain, to supply her body with more dopamine.

Disclaimer: none of what I share in Naomi’s or my story is prescriptive: restoring your pleasure balance happens on a case-by-case basis. The key might be partly physical, like with Wolfe; it might be partly biochemical, like it was with me; and it’s definitely partly based on your beliefs and behaviors, as well. It will most definitely restored by taking your pleasure seriously, like your life depends on it, because it does.

I am not saying that you should lie around in bed eating bon-bons all day. “Pleasure” doesn’t always equate “doing nothing,” even though most of us could do with a lot more relaxation, peace and ecstatic stillness in our lives to counteract our obsession with productivity. I am all for getting stuff done and I am all for achievement and focus and the “high” that comes from them. It’s just that most of us, men and women alike, rely on these “Masculine Genius” qualities, to the detriment of our Feminine Genius qualities – the qualities brought on by your pleasure – and big, bad imbalances can result.

To that end, I’d love to share with you my best practice for taking your pleasure seriously and truly changing your life, one daily moment at a time.

This practice is actually a question that women, who have taken courses with me that cost many, many thousands of dollars, have reported made the whole course worth it and changed everything for them.

The Pleasure Question

1. At least once a day, or as often as womanly possible, ask yourself the following question:

   “How can I make this moment more pleasurable for myself?”

2. Enjoy and repeat.

When you are in a state of pleasure more of the time, you naturally feel more confident and self-adoring. Something deep within you relaxes. An aspect of your genius becomes available – I call it your Feminine Genius. You connect the dots. You have foresight and larger vision. You feel like you’re having a great time, you feel blessed, you feel like you are on fire. And you get in communion with your inner guidance and your authentic voice.

Look, there is something brilliant that is asking to be lived THROUGH you and AS you, and you need to be able to hear what that is. The Sacred Feminine is tapping on your shoulder, desperately trying to get a word in edgewise, so that you can have the gorgeous experience of life you are longing to have, and so that you can fully give your needed gifts to the world — and pleasure is how She gets through to you.

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LiYana Silver mentors women to unlock their Feminine Genius. She teaches, coaches, speaks and writes to support women to source their inner guidance, turn on their feminine strengths and live brilliant lives aligned with their true desires.

LiYana is a torch-holder for a world-to-be in which feminine leadership flourishes and the epidemic of women self-haters has long become absurd. She makes the San Francisco bay area home with her husband, son and extended chosen family.

To learn more about mentorship with LiYana and to get up close and personal with her provocative work, which has been featured in the likes of Forbes, the Huffington Post, Business Heroine and Jezebel, visit EmbodimentExperience.com. For her free video training, how to Turn On Your Feminine Genius, visit LiYanaSilver.com.