My legal last name, la Flamme, is a name I chose for myself.

It’s a French word that means flame or torchbearer, a far cry from the Irish name I was born—Gray.

La Flamme rhymes with the word “balm.” Yet, a lot of people get it wrong and pronounce it la Phlegm. As you can imagine my name being confused with the substance secreted from mucus membranes, sometimes in copious quantities, does not delight me.

Furthermore, in French if you say “j’ai la phlegme” it means “I’m lazy.” Another association I don’t love.

So given how much I dislike this association, it’s no surprise that I discovered I have some detractors on the internet who call me exactly that—la Phlegm. Oh my!

What this has shown me is that nasty nicknames only hurt to the degree that we actually believe them to be true. And that’s why this one stings me!

The truth is, since I was a youngster, I found my constitution to be phlegmy. One of my nutrition teachers called me a “milk baby,” because I grew up eating lots of dairy products and had issues with mucus in my throat for as long as I can remember.

Plus, though one side of me is a powerhouse go-getter and dancer with boundless stamina, another side of me is pretty lazy. For example, this is the first newsletter I’ve sent in a month.

So when the haters call me la Phlegm on purpose, ouch, it presses my buttons.

And then what? Then I can cry, or I can laugh.

As my teachers says, “if you’re taking things seriously, then you’re missing the point,” so I’m bored with being offended, I giggle. 

Sometimes I even laugh to the point of falling off my chair with tears in my eyes, because it’s so true, it’s hilarious.

That’s when I’m back in my power and my center. When I really don’t care, because I accept the truth of both sides of the coin.

Sometimes I’m sticky and lethargic.
Other times I’m bright and energetic.
It’s always changing.

I’m human, and it is the human condition to be imperfect, yet ever evolving.

What matters is that I don’t get stuck in my head, cycling over my own or others’ criticism.

I mention this because if you’re feeling judged by others, for your body, your behavior, or anything, then it will only deeply bother you to the degree that you think it’s true.

Others’ judgments hurt only to the extent that you judge yourself. And that, fortunately, is under your control.

You can observe your own judgment, and see it for what it is. It is only a passing thought of the mind, like clouds in the sky.

Just like clouds take form, only to be blown away and dissolve into thin air, you can allow your critical thoughts to fade away too.

Self-judgment feels heavy like a weight. And science shows that emotional burdens generate the internal biochemistry that leads to actual physical weight gain, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That’s why the best way I know to help you lose weight sustainably is to address those judgments.

We think losing weight will result in losing the judgments, but it’s the other way around. 

It is dropping your self-judgment that facilitates the lightness of Pleasurable Weight Loss and Unshakeable Body Confidence.

So know your self-judgments. Look them in the eye. And then let them dissolve.

You are good.
You are whole.
Your female animal body is keeping you alive which is a hell of an accomplishment. Let that be enough for her to receive your approval and unconditional love.

All my love and support,
Xo La Phlegm